I drove 400 hundred miles and met an asshole just like you...

Last weekend was the benefit show for his family to cover funeral costs. It was a strange experience. I caught up with a lot of people who matter, avoided people who didn't. Got kicked in the ass twice by some random piece of shit Shwa douche bag. Punched him for doing so. The main goal was achieved but as an actual farewell show to Majewski it failed. That's ok though. There will be a proper show just for him come the fall. We will send him off right at another time.

The following day I ventured to Uxbridge for my dad's 60th birthday at his golf club. It was small, short and to the point. I ignored my sibling. I can't even stand to look at him. He is nothing to me and I am ok with that.

I have been feeling a bit defeated lately. A little beat down. Hopefully a new apartment that I don't hate will change that. I need to somehow come to terms with things that have happened. Eventually I will get there. It just might take a while.

Last night Jesse and I modelled for a photography class. That was interesting. Hopefully we will get some cool shots from it. We never have any pictures together because I am always behind the camera instead of being in front of it. I'm not very photogenic. At least I made some scratch out of the deal. It's definately much needed.

I need a purpose I need a meaning. I need to know there is trophy and meaning to all we lose and all we fight for...

Last Saturday we buried him forever. I still can't believe it. It still hurts me. The man who was always around is no more.

Memories of the times we shared are constantly flooding back. The time I locked us out of my house and he scaled the side like a bastard monkey and miraculous squeezed his broad shoulders through an impossibly small window. The time he drove down solo to surprise me at the Cursed and Career Suicide show. All the nights we talked until the sun came up. The shows at BLR. The Anagram house shows. Breakfest at Sneaky's. When he walked into my backyard and marveled at all the grapes I had and instantly told me that I had to make my own wine and gave me step by step instructions. His poster art shows. Going to Ted's. Talking about my mom's imminent death and how we would want people to react if we were to pass. And how that is now coming true. Running in to him at shows constantly. Getting shitfaced at the Velvet Elvis the rare time I came to the Shwa. The short but hilarious emails that were exchanged. He once told me that it was always good to see me because it was always a good time when I was around, but the funny thing was I always said the same about him...

All that is over. However those memories will never be forgotten.

I stood in the line of people dressed in black. I accepted the rose a priest was giving to us and I laid that rose upon your coffin. I couldn't stop the hot tears pouring down my face even if I wanted too. My heart was literally broken.

He was so fucking beautiful on the inside and out and I'm glad that you were apart of my life.

I poured some PBR on the ground for you and tossed a pair of black chucks on a telephone wire in your honour.

Good-bye Michal Majewski.

You are forever close to my heart.